Unexpected Blessing

You've probably heard this scripture, Psalm 127:3

"Children are a heritage from the Lord" - NIV
"Children are a gift from the Lord" - NLT
"Don't you see that children are God's best gift" - Message

I've heard it numerous times.  I even have it hung up on our wall, surrounded by pictures of our sweet little blessings.  When you think of this passage, like me, you probably think of all the wonderful moments in parenthood.  Tickling and laughing together.  Going for walks hand in hand.  Pushing a child on a swing.  Playing games together.  Cuddling on the couch with a movie.  All those picture perfect, sweet, Hollywood images of parenting. 

But then there's real life parenting.  The two year old who kicks and plays for an hour before falling asleep, keeping her sisters from falling asleep and totally immune to any punishments & consequences.  Grrr.  The two year old who wakes you up 3 times in the night, saying she needs to go "tee-tee", only once you get up and go to her (in a heart pounding mad dash because you want to get to her before she wakes up the big girls) she says she doesn't need to go anymore.  Grrr.  The two year old who wakes everyone up early on the one day of the week you can actually sleep late making the older two and their momma very grouchy.  Grrr. 

Where's that blessing now, huh?  How is this a gift from God? 

That was my first thought this morning as I sat in my recliner, massage pillow going (trying to ease the tension in my back - Can't image why there are so many knots in my shoulders!), coffee in hand, tears streaming down my face.  My heart was hard and black, full of bitterness and anger.  I managed to speak as few of words as possible to my children, fearful of the filth that might spew out.  I felt like a ticking time bomb about to explode any second.  It was only 7 o'clock in the morning.  How was I suppose to make it through today?  How in the world am I suppose to model God's love and patience to a child that I really want to sell on the black market?  (Hayley & Jonathan, want an instant family?  A big sister for baby M?  I'll make you a great offer?)

My prayer for quite some time has been asking God for His wisdom in parenting these children.  There are SO many days when I feel inadequate to manage this task He's given me.  This morning was one of them!

So with the nudging of the Holy Spirit, I reluctantly opened up my Bible and began searching scripture in an attempt to ease some of the rage I felt within me.  "If I can just calm down a little, I'll have enough compassion to not kill her."  "I only need enough love for them to sustain their lives today - to keep them fed and clean."  I wasn't expecting much.  Thankfully God works beyond my expectations, in abundant ways, because He is so wonderfully awesome!

I found passages like James 1:19-20, 1 Corinthians 13, Proverbs 15:1, and Psalm 124:1-3 (which of course led me to sing "Had It Not Been the Lord Who Was on Our Side"). 

After about 15 minutes of reading God's words and just sitting in His presence soaking in His love and strength, I was calm.  In a composed manner, I sat down and had a firm talk with the 2 year old.  The 7 year old put on some of our Christian music and we made breakfast with a relaxed atmosphere.  No yelling and screaming by me.  No tension and frustration in the air.

Now, I have to say that the two year old is still a two year old.  In the 3 hours that we've been up she's already been to time out 4 times!  She's still whining, still complaining, still being belligerent to her sisters.  She hasn't changed.  Thankfully, God's word has changed me.  My greatest challenge becomes my greatest blessing because it forces me closer to my Lord.  To quote a friend, "That child brings me closer to Jesus every day."  It is SO true!

When I read that first Psalm passage again, I still envision the fun, sweet parenting moments.  Yet, I'm seeing more of God's depth and knowledge in those words.  Did He create our children to draw us into a more intimate relationship with him?  Did He give us these challenges to help us grow in an understanding of His mercy and grace?  I can't help but think "Yes!"

Thank you God for continuing to work on my heart each and every day.  Thank you for not giving up on me.  Thank you for these blessings you've given me in my children.  And especially thank you for the unexpected blessing I received this morning.  Forgive me for my impatience, anger, and lack of trust in you.