Memories! (part one)

With my husband gone and our anniversary approaching, I'm growing very sentimental and reminiscing those days and months, in what seemed so long ago, that led us here! We are about to celebrate 8 years of marriage. That doesn't seem like a big number. Actually kind of small considering how much has happened and changed in those 8 years.

In the book of the life of Kara, there are a few chapters in childhood, a few of the teenage years (*shudder*), and a few of those single, teaching consumed years too. Yet the chapters of our marriage have set the tone for the rest of my novel. Everything else was just preliminary, just the beginning, all leading me to where I am now. To me I feel like I'm living out the "meat" of my story, the good stuff. Marriage and family suits me perfectly, and I love the life I have!

So where did this journey begin? It all started about 9+ years ago. I was living in Austin, teaching at a great school, being mom to my black lab "Cassie", and enjoying being single. I had lots of fun with my church friends, going out to the movies, playing sand volleyball, or going to 6th St. every now and then. (Very cool place to go on Halloween and just watch all the strange people that come out. It's like the world's weirdest freak show - for free!) I had dated a few guys in college and dated a few in Austin. But obviously none fit me. I was 24 and kind of getting fed up with just the usual dating stuff. I think God was getting me ready to finally get serious about a relationship.

So, I had been on this website called Churchofchristsingles.com for a year or two. My friend from college, Laura and I joined on there, and we thought it was fun to make new friends through it. I was NOT looking for dating relationships. This was back in 2000, before eharmony and match.com, when dating someone on the internet was creepy and desperate! So, one day I get an email from a guy, "Onesimus". First glance, I was completely not interested. He was younger than me and he was divorced! That's just got the words "RUN" written all over it! But I was friendly, he was new in town, and we began emailing back and forth. Since I was not interested in this guy at all, I found myself being completely blunt, honest, and open to him in these emails. I wasn't trying to impress him. I didn't really care what he thought about me. There were no "airs" to put on, no primping and making everything beautiful and candy-coated. We were both just plain and simply honest with each other - with just about everything. Looking back I'm amazed at how much we learned about each other in those first few months of emailing.

So, finally one day we agree to meet for lunch. I had just had knee surgery the week before so I was hobbling around on crutches. But we both drove down and met at Chuy's Hula Hut off of Lake Austin. (Great place! Cool atmosphere and good food!) I still remember vividly the first time I saw him. My first thought - "He's different than I imagined." (He did not have a picture of himself on his internet profile, and since I knew he was tall and loved basketball, I had pictured a gangly, skinny sort of guy.) He had a seriously scruffy, thick mass that covered his chin and upper lip. Not just a goatee, but a goatee on steroids! And while he was tall, Len physique is not usually described as boney. (Which is FINE by me - I don't like skinny guys!) So we had a good lunch, walked around a bit afterwards, and said goodbye. In my mind it was a simple friendship. We got along great and Len was very easy to talk to. I felt like I'd known him for years, but I wasn't looking to date him. Len did not fit the profile of what I thought I needed and wanted, so I didn't see this relationship going anywhere remotely serious.

So for the next month or so we continued to talk through phone, email, and in person. Len made it pretty clear that he was interested in dating me, but I still kept my distance and was holding solid on us being just friends.

Finally one week after his birthday, we (a group of us) all went out to 6th St. We went to a place called Ivory Cats. I knew Len would love it b/c he's such a music connoisseur. And it was a huge hit with him! (Its still our favorite place to go in Austin!) As we were leaving Ivory Cats, I was trying to carefully get down some stairs (I still had a brace on my knee but was hiding it with baggy pants) and Len, like the gentleman that he is, held out his hand to help me step down. But, he didn't let go of my hand. We continued walking around 6th St. with our group of friends, hand-in-hand. When we got back to my apartment we stayed up till 4 am just talking! Even though I had some reservations about dating Len, I was beginning to see the ease and comfortable nature our relationship held. Although the evening didn't start out as a "date" for Len and I, we still consider it our first date. When he did finally leave at 4 am, I knew I wanted to kiss him. And I did! It was a sweet, simple kiss! Absolutely perfect! I think that was the moment I was hooked.

Now, since I did still have reservations about dating Len, and I really wasn't looking to just have another casual dating relationship, I hit the ground running analyzing it thoroughly. I figured it would either last 2 weeks or it would last a lifetime, because if he wasn't the right one for me, I didn't want to waste my time on him! So I immediately began questioning us, examining us, and looking for the flaws in our relationship. With the same brutal honesty I'd had in our emails at the beginning, I began picking our relationship apart to see if there was a future for us. The deeper I dug and the more I analyzed the more I kept seeing how well we fit each other. Len and I really are a great balance for each other! Where he loses his cool, I'm patient. When I'm irrational and emotional, he's calm and collected. He's strong in knowing God's word and teaching it. I'm strong it compassion and encouragement. I'm the detail person. He's the big picture guy. I'm the people pleaser who doesn't like to rock the boat. Len is bold and passionate and not afraid to say what needs to be said. Just like two puzzle pieces that fit together without being forced or crammed, we were perfect for each other.

One of my favorite stories from when Len and I were first dating, was one of those moments when I saw how well we worked together. I had met Len at his apartment and we were going to by driving down to my Dad's house, about an hour away, for my younger sister's birthday party. This was going to be the first time he had met my family, so I was very anxious, nervous, and excited. Len was wearing a T-shirt and some baggie wind pants and looked a little bit more like he was going to go work out than go to a party. So as we are talking and getting ready to leave, I begin to form a plan in my mind of how I'm going to tactfully suggest that Len put something else on. I had thought it through and was going to start with a general topic and slowly wind my way around to what I was aiming for. Like little stepping stones, I had mapped out at least 3 or 4 things to say to lead up to the final destination of a wardrobe change. So I casually say, "You know we're going to be seeing a lot of people at my dad's house." I'll never forget what happened after those words. Len happened to be walking away from me at the moment, going to get something out of the kitchen as he replies, "Oh, yeah". Then just as those words came out of his mouth, he stopped abruptly, turned on his heel and whipped around to face me. He looked straight at me and said "You don't like what I'm wearing!" My jaw hit the floor! He saw right through my little round about dance and knew exactly where I was going with only my first step! I was speechless and I honestly don't remember exactly how I answered, but my thought was "OH, MY GOODNESS! HE READ ME!" (He did end up changing clothes by the way!)

And read me, he did! Len continued to impress me and amaze me with the way he got me. He really got me! He saw my flaws, my imperfections and still thought I was amazing and beautiful. He noticed all the little things that I did and appreciated me for them. He handled my crazy moments with calm, loving control. Plus, we had so much fun together! We loved going to movies and dialoguing about them for hours and days afterwards. We loved going to Dave & Busters and playing silly kid games and having fun! We loved just sitting and talking about anything and everything. He was very quickly becoming my best friend!

There were other big moments for me too that showed me so clearly that Len was the right guy for me. As we kept dating and began to get more serious, my family began asking more questions. One day I got a call from my older brother, who in my opinion hung the moon and all the stars. I loved and adored him and his approval meant the world to me. Britt begins the conversation by saying, "Kara, we have some concerns." I really don't remember what else he said after that. All I know is that I broke down crying and sobbing on the phone. I tried to hold it together while we talked, but he knew how upset I was. We hung up the phone and I began slipping downward into a terribly emotional, irrational spiral. I was thinking that my family didn't like Len and wouldn't approve of us getting married. Our relationship was going to tear the family apart and create in a rift in future holidays and get togethers. Our children would never see or know their cousins. Etc, etc! I was a wreck! And as upset as I was, I feared that Len would be mad about these "concerns" too. I didn't want to tell him, but I had to. So after a few minutes of my sobbing insanity from getting off the phone with my brother, I called Len and told him all about it. While I had feared anger coming from Len toward my brother & family, what I got really surprised me and grounded me back to reality. Len said calmly, "Kara it's OK for them to be concerned. They love you. I'd be concerned too about anyone my sisters were marrying." Immediately the tears stopped and I took a deep breath, "Oh". With just a few simple words, Len pulled me up out of my emotional pit of despair and brought me back to my senses. He is so good at doing that for me!

He's still good at handling me, reading me, and loving me! More to come on my memories!